It’s been an interesting couple of days.
The idea of writing a book is taking hold and with time on my hands, I thought it would be a good idea to go back through my blog posts. I started my Gray Haired Lady site way back in 2005. It was originally a blogspot blog, pretty rudimentary (and it’s still up). Those sites are nothing like we have available now but I did transition the site to a more current-style site as well.
There are several themes that run through my writings. The feelings of transience and loneliness. And dislike of where I was living in Washington, wanting to live somewhere warm and sunny.
“I have moved around so much over the years, I have no roots in any place. Well, that's not quite true. I still feel like South Africa is "home." It's the place I think of and yearn for. Even with the deterioration of society there, it still has the draw.”
“I don't have a base in one place. Is this bad? Good? I don't know. I just know that it is very lonely at times and I long for that closeness and connection. I wonder why I haven't really connected with any place I've lived?”
This is from October 2006.
Things haven’t really changed. I’d hoped for a feeling of more permanence when I came here to South Africa this time, but it seems to elude me. I miss my family and friends in the States and I know that when I’m not here, I miss my South African family and friends.
It was interesting - and very telling - the months and even years I didn’t write anything. No photos, no words, no posts, for me, generally mean that life is a complete shit box! Those times were hand written in diaries that I burned before I left the house, hoping to erase some of the worst times of my life.
Then there are daily posts when things were going well, or life was on a more even keel.
I haven’t made it all the way through the posts - I’m still in 2010! And as I sit here, the power finally came back on after “load shedding” this afternoon; the sky has darkened and thunder is rolling overhead. It feels like all hell is going to break loose any minute! I do love this about South Africa’s summer weather. Tumultuous, like my life!
Another theme that runs through my posts is the search for an “Endless Summer.” I spent too many years in the gray and cold of Washington State that I avoid places like that like the plague! Maybe I need to amend that to “Endless Spring” as sometimes the heat in these tropical area, on a consistent, daily basis, is a bit much! But I happily take the heat over the Washington winters.
Belize features prominently in my writing. It is a place I immediately felt at home and on my very first trip there, actually rented a place and planned to move there. But as usual, life got in the way and stopped my dreams dead in their tracks. But Belize has become too expensive as its popularity has grown, so it’s sadly, no longer on my radar.
Here’s something from a 2013 post, which is one of the themes running through my writings. (Yes I jumped around a bit.)
“My new year is all about moving forward and not counting on anyone but myself. I think I have put way too much emphasis on outside sources providing for me - jobs, relationships etc. I just have to do it myself and if any of these other projects that have been hanging around come to fruition, well, that will be wonderful.”
I can’t rely on anyone else, putting off things, delaying projects and outings, waiting for someone else to decide if or when “they” are available. I just have to be Nike and “Just do it.” I’ve been doing that a lot more but still, it’s often not as much fun as doing or going with someone and being able to share experiences. But better than sitting around, waiting or being left in the lurch.
Last week, my weekly adventure was a washout. I was to go with my “bodyguards” out to visit a well-known artist in Kwa-Mashu, a township just north of here. The guys were to shoot video, but we got rained out. So weather permitting, we’ll go on Tuesday.
Rosemary, Veronica, Neville, me, Dave, Fay, Carolyn, Sue
Our High School group had a small get together with a couple of guys as well. It’s always fun and Sue, my friend from Italy and I, went to visit a fabric artist Sue had heard about. Odette lives just a couple of houses away from our old school in a lovely old house. She spent considerable time with us, showing us her work, which Sue says it technically, quilting, but the pieces don’t look anything like quilts I’ve ever seen! They are definitely works of art and she teaches and lectures around the world.
So much patience, something I am short on!